I was raised in a very patriarchal Cuban culture. I know in my heart of hearts that my father really thought he was doing his best out of love. However, the way he raised me had me making myself small, shrinking myself, people pleasing and constantly biting my tongue so hard I could taste blood. Sometimes I’d get fed up and just let it rip, verbally which never went well. Or I’d fantasize about becoming a berserker and just letting my rage go at it. I’d even have dreams where I’d shape shift into a Dragon and burn it all to hell!
Took me years to know that what I felt was valid and ok. I just wasn’t allowed to express it. I wasn’t allowed to express my rage. Expressing rage was seen as unfeminine and too masculine and aggressive for a woman. I was always reminded by my father that no man would want me because I was way too assertive, and aggressive for a woman. He would remind me that being a woman meant being passive and submissive, to which I would always challenge him.
In a supposed liberal city like Miami, I was an outlier in their Hispanic culture. I was not in line with their misogyny. I would play along sometimes and for a good while at times, until eventually the relationship would end because I could only betray myself for so long! And every time a relationship ended I was reminded that it ended because I wasn’t soft enough, submissive enough, etc. I would always be fighting and arguing with my father over my bodily autonomy and my rights despite being a woman.
I did not conform to those typical gender roles. I saw nothing wrong with asking a man out on a date. I didn’t think it inappropriate to make the first move and I sure as hell didn’t believe or subscribe to the body count bullshit, thereby driving my father absolutely insane! My father was the first to challenge my sovereignty and make me fight for it. For that I am grateful. Thanks to not bowing down to my dad my life changed after a devastating break up over 16 years ago.
After three years of being single I decided that I wasn’t going to settle for less anymore. I wasn’t going to let the Patriarchy tell me that I was late in finding true love. Instead, because I am a Witch I wrote three pages of what I wanted in my husband and cast a spell. Now almost 16 years later, I have a husband who’s my cheerleader, who accepts my wild feminine, accepts the Witch and won’t ask me to shrink or betray myself for his love.
During all those tumultuous years of living with my Dad, Lilith was there giving me the courage to stand up for myself, but I still had more work to do. My husband would every now and then have to remind me, that I was going into my good girl conditioning. It has taken years to get to where I am now that I will boldly defend myself in a reply reel against another misogynist or bigot on Instagram. Just a year ago, I would not have had the courage and self confidence to do that.
The biggest catalyst for me was what happened with Amazon. They denied my medical accommodation, put me on an unpaid leave and thereby created this housing crisis I am living in now. Thanks to Lilith’s guidance I was able to stand up for myself and defend my sovereignty. The situation has caused me to not give a fuck anymore, because I have nothing left to loose, therefore finding a courage and strength inside of me that I would’ve never known even existed! I have realized that I am way stronger than I have ever given myself credit for.
And I have Lilith to thank for this. She has pushed me in ways I could have never imagined. She has re-ignited the fire within me and has helped me to truly unleash! And it feels so fucking good! To be have your inner Lilith fully embodied as you walk though life, is amazing! The freedom, to be your wild, dark feminine, sovereign self is the best gif you could ever give yourself. Will there be a price to pay such as an exile? Most probably. Everything and everyone who never truly loved you for who you truly are will be stripped away. Only real love will remain.
It took me years to get to this level of freedom, sovereignty, power and courage. And every now and then Lilith will let me know whenever I am falling back into old good girl conditioning and slap me out of it! It doesn’t have to take you over 15 years to get to this place of wild, juicy, freedom! I am here to help you get to where I am a lot faster, 6 months faster as opposed to years! I currently only have two seats available for my one on one 6 months mentorship called UNLEASHED to unleash your inner Lilith. Click the button below to become UNLEASHED, once the two seats are filled they won’t be open again for another 6 months. Payment plans to work with your budget are available with PayPal later. Click the button below 👇
With Love and Fire 🔥
Jiana Wessel - Your Priestess and Indie Artist